writing for an invisible audience (also: announcing 1:1 zoom consultations)
because i miss seeing people
Being between book promo cycles is rough. This is when you’re supposed to be doing all the actual hard work—writing a book, revising it, all the things that get it in good enough shape that it can be spat out into the world and read by actual humans (and start off its own promo cycle).
But I find myself feeling very isolated lately. It’s probably because I came up on fanfiction and I’m used to getting my weekly little megadoses of dopamine every time I hit “post” for my latest chapter.
Now? Now, that entire audience is in my head. I don’t get to look forward to hearing what gildedswirls540 thinks of chapter 84 this Sunday, because gildedswirls540 has their own life and is reading other people’s stories now and has no idea that I, the author of the fanfic they used to comment on every single week, am now producing books that they could pick up in Barnes and Noble.
I do get to hear from readers on social media, when I’m tagged in positive reviews or fanart or edits, when people comment on my posts, and I of course hear from my critique partner and my editor at my publishing house when I turn in new drafts. But the social media stuff is sparse on the ground these days - it feels like everyone is complaining about the instagram algorithm hiding their stuff from half their followers, and honestly, I feel that too. Even publishing these things here on substack, a lot of the time it can feel like going please somebody talk to me, don’t you get that I’m lonely?
And as for my critique partners and editors, they read the book when it’s done (or when I have at least three quarters of a draft to give them). A far cry from the IV drip of validation that I actually crave.
Wow, just typing that made me imagine how totally bananas my therapist would go over this post. Hi, Carly! If you’re reading this, I admit it! I am a needy bitch.
So what now?
My next book is due late April/early May. I’m around the halfway mark with it. And I’m writing toward the hypothetical reader, the one I hope has stuck with me long enough to actually read it by the time it comes out early next year.
I do have a few exemplars in my head that I turn to: names I see pop up all the time on my social media comment feed, or here. People that I know they like what I write, and so I hope—all my fingers crossed—they’ll read and like this one too.
There are no guarantees in the book world. I mean, A Shot in the Dark didn’t really do as well as I hoped, so it can be hard not to think “cool cool cool I’m writing this whole book that nobody is ever gonna reeeeaaaadddddd!”
But that’s not true, is it?
Because people do read. In fact, the feedback I’ve gotten on ASITD has actually been the best out of all my books so far. (Although that probably has a lot to do with the fact that I blocked goodreads after ALIV and have not ventured onto that website in over two years, so I only see the good stuff that people want me to see.)
My therapist tasked me with writing down the nice things people have said to me about my work in pen and paper, somewhere that I can look at them often and remind myself why I do this. So that’s been this week’s task. Tiny little missives sent from the someone else’s life to mine, reminding me that I’m not writing into the ether. Not at all.
It’s not just about validation, though. I feel like I need to make that clear (again, for my therapist, if she is reading this). I truly do enjoy writing for the sake of writing. Even if nobody else reads it. I used to write exclusively for myself, before I got into fanfic! Like! It was all just for me!
But one of my favorite things about being a writer has always been that personal connection with readers. I swear if you’ve been following me long enough you’ve heard me talk about “writing telepathy” at least four times by now, but it’s true. Writing is telepathy. I’m trying to create a person and a world and a feeling and trying to get you to share it with me.
Before COVID, I got to talk to readers all the time.
I got to connect with them over our shared love for a character, hatred for a villain, our mutual obsession with a fandom or the fact we both like pineapple on pizza or the fact that sometimes we still feel lonely a lot even though we’re pretty sure we’re old enough that we aren’t supposed to feel things like that anymore because it’s time to be a grown-up and grown-ups don’t care about silly stuff like personal connections.
I miss having this wide net of like eight critique partners where we were all constantly trading our books back and forth and giving each other feedback. I never felt like I was just mooching off someone’s free time when they read my book. And I never felt stagnant in my reading, either. I had to read with an editor’s eye. I had to keep my brain sharp-sharp.
Sad that Bookcon/BEA is gone, sad that one cannot actually have book events constantly (even though I pretty much say yes every time someone asks me to be their conversation partner, just to try), sad that one cannot release books episodically.
But not going to stop writing. Writing—as always—for those readers who have been there for me so many times, the ones that I know will read this book, were always going to read this book.
Writing this thing too, and posting on instagram, or whatever. Making those tiny bids for connection and hoping someone reaches out in return.
I also had an idea.
I’m launching 1:1 zoom consultations! Basically, you can go and schedule 30 or 45 or 60 minute zoom meetings with me and we can talk about literally whatever. Writing, publishing, books, Netflix, you name it.
If you want to schedule one, you do have to be a paid subscriber here on the substack (I have this restriction because ultimately, as my agents are constantly telling me, I need to prioritize writing the next book and not “side hustles” or social media stuff - so I’m trying to keep my calendar from getting totally overrun!).
If you aren’t a paid subscriber but you want to be one, you can hit the button below. It’s $5/month.
In addition to the option for these meetings, you also get:
Exclusive posts for your eyes only
Exclusive excerpts/early cover reveals/early book deal announcements and summaries, etc
Whenever the spirit moves me to write another bit of fanfic, it’ll go here.
Deleted scenes from past books
Guaranteed replies to your every comment
I also have a poll.
I’ve been noodling around the idea of doing query critiques and/or feedback+editing on sample pages. If people seem keen, I would absolutely launch this too! I like giving craft advice, but I’ve moved away from it here on substack because of the risk of seeming prescriptive or too “one-size-fits-all.” It’s easier to give good advice when you can see the context for said advice.
So:
And, of course, the logistics:
I could also do some combination of the above - if you have thoughts, please let me know in the comments!
Paid subscribers, look out for an email with a link to my Calendly to schedule 1:1 zoom consultations. Love you.
xo Victoria
I've been a fan for such a long time (Feverwake still lives rent-free in my head and I've probably reread it once a year since it came out, and ASITD was one of the few books I was actually able to read and comprehend while I was immediately postpartum because it was just SO good) but this made me subscribe immediately -- I feel that lack of community and comment feedback SO keenly as I've moved from prioritizing fanfiction to prioritizing paid published books. The radio silence is SO hard. I feel like as writers we have this community of loneliness -- we're all feeling the same thing, and there's comfort in that, but it's still a very separate sort of experience. I appreciate you putting words to it. 💜
Today I have been feeling very ~blue~ about writing and reading this reminded me that as lonely as it can be, I'm never the only one going through it. Thank you <3